A pleasant, stress-free drive around good ol’ Dubuque? Yeah, right

by: Lou Stein

DUBUQUE- Hopefully you all made it to the point in the semester where you can focus on taking care of your physical needs like groceries and skin care products. Thanks to the limited options of the Duhawk Market, fulfilling these personal needs means going off campus and into town. If this doesn’t apply to you, and you’re still struggling to find a balance between school, work, and your social life, then I’m sorry. This article isn’t for you. In fact, it sounds like you should take a break from reading the newspaper to figure out some things. Now, for those of you who actually have your lives together, you may have noticed how difficult it is getting around Dubuque. The local drivers are notorious for not signaling and for driving too fast. The college drivers, on the other hand, just can’t seem to get the knack of using traffic circles, one way streets, or multi-lane stops. Meanwhile, no-one knows how to navigate the intersection of Grandview, Avoca, and Rosedale. Frankly, the number of times I’ve almost died there is alarming, but I digress. Some say that driving in Dubuque is terrible because of the hills. Others claim it’s because the drivers are too excited by all the murals downtown. Personally, I think it’s due to too many people coming from towns that only have one stoplight. Regardless of the reason, we all have to deal with the chaos. So this week I’m giving you my top three tips for driving in Dubuque.

Tip #1: Get someone else to drive for you. I don’t mean hire an Uber. Ubers can be expensive, and as college students we need to be as frugal as possible. Besides, if you have a car on campus, you already have to pay an exorbitant price for a parking pass, and need to make the most of that investment. By getting someone else to drive for you, I mean exactly that. Find a gullible friend who doesn’t have a car, and offer to take them to the store with you. When they agree, hand them the keys and say, “actually, can you drive? I’m not feeling so well at the moment.” Use this trick each time until they start to catch on. Then stop being their friend and start looking for your next chauffer.

Tip #2: Drive aggressively. If you can’t beat them, join them. Take control of this stressful situation by commandeering the use of the road. Drive five to seven mph above the posted speed limit, and stick as close to the median as you can. That way the other drivers will know you mean business and give you plenty of space. For best effect, make sure you’re getting the most out of your horn. This not only gives you better visibility, but it helps teach other drivers when they’ve made an error.

Tip #3: Take the Jule. If you’re a long time reader, you’ll know that the best way to solve a problem is to avoid it. Take all of your stress out of the equation by using the city wide transit system. It’s free with your Loras ID, and will take you to all the major shopping centers in Dubuque. That is of course, if you have six hours to spare in the middle of a weekday and don’t mind waiting at multiple bus exchanges. Also note that this option is viable as long as you’re only picking up a few things, because you’ll need to carry back everything that you’ve bought.

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