11 Things You Think Make You Look Cool

1. Smoking. I honestly hope that there is no need to explain this one.

2. SWI — Snap-Story while Intoxicated. You never look as good as you think you do. I promise. And it’s never as funny to anyone else as you think it is.

3. Pop gum. Smacking your gum and popping it loudly to announce your presence is simultaneously announcing your status as uncool and rude. If you want to make an entrance, do something really unexpected, like recite Maya Angelou’s poetry.

4. Wear sunglasses inside. Unless you have a visual impairment or a migraine… take them off. Besides, no one likes looking at the world all orange-ish anyway.

5. Honk/yell at pedestrians. Let the lady walk her dog in peace. Let the runners finish their workout. Your 3 seconds of amusement at startling them is not worth it. Besides, you aren’t even sticking around long enough to see the reaction you generate.

6. Wear jeans 13-inches below boxers. What does this really accomplish anyway, other than create a tripping hazard?

7. Duck face. Yes, you have lovely cheekbones. I’d much rather see them when you smile, not doing impressions of animals.

8. Profanity. Wait, you’re not afraid to use a swear word in front of adults?! Reckless! Rebel! Courageous! Oh, wait…

9. Run with suckers. That’s not cool; that’s just dangerous.

10.   Don’t complete homework assignments. Too bad your prospective boss most likely doesn’t take “cool” into account. I don’t even think it’s a standard section on the applications — shame.

11. Avoiding human contact. Checking the time on your phone, or going through every social media’s newsfeed again in order to avoid real, live, personal interactions is sad. Get to know the people around you. That old man on the bus? I bet he has some cool stories and you could learn a thing or two from him.

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