Listing Lazily

Listing Lazily

It’s been a slow week, sports fans. Well, not really. I mean, things happened, but I’ve been far too busy to form any cogent opinions on said happenings worth stretching out into a full-length column.   Nowadays, media consumers expect to get their information and entertainment in bite-sized, 140-character portions. It goes something like this …

FIVE THINGS THAT HAPPENED

5. FAN-PLEASING HOCKEY PLAYER CONCUSSES INFANT
P.K Stubbanof the Montreal Canadiens beaned a baby with a hockey puck while tossing souvenirs to Habs fans at an open practice. Stubban claims it was it was an accident, but I’m not so sure. I just watched a video of him ripping a slap-shot past the Columbus Bluejackets’ goaltender from center ice. This guy puts the puck where he wants it. Makes me wonder if that baby said something nasty to him in French.

4. CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!
Jacksonville Jaguars defender Dante Fowler is catching some heat for a video that’s recently surfaced of him watching an unsanctioned jiu-jitsu match between his girlfriend and his baby-mama. Fowler has since issued a public apology, but this whole thing is unusual. We’re not used to seeing a football player land in hot water for NOT participating in physical violence with women.

3. NFL COMBINE, or CIA INTERROGATION?
According to former NFL player Austen Lane’s Twitter account, pro football prospects get asked some crazy questions at the scouting combine. The questions Lane references in his tweets cover everything from preferred choice of murder weapon, to possible incestuous tendencies, and the correlation between hairstyle and pot-smoking. Today’s scouts know exactly who they’re talking to.

2. CUBS NAMED ODDS-ON WORLD SERIES FAVORITES
Never. Gonna. Happen.

1. THE PRODIGAL SON RETURNS
Shane McMahon made a shocking return to WWE Raw on Monday night after a 7-year absence. Shane-O-Mac says he wants to save his dad’s company from ruin. He’ll have to defeat The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match at Wrestlemania to get the chance. Brock Lesnar beat ‘Taker at ‘Mania once, so it can be done. Don’t judge me, you know you love pro wrestling as much as I do.

Check back next week to see if Drew is ready to take his job seriously again.

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