Elevator etiquette

A satirical article about the amusing incidences of college life; all names, etc., are intended to be fictional

A new phenomenon is going down at Loras College. Recently, more students have been engaging in social interaction on the campus elevators. It is slowly becoming the norm (to a small 15 percent of the student body at least) to hold doors, smile at one another and even talk while riding the elevators.

First-year Otis Graves was the first to initiate this novel idea. When he was taking the elevator from the parking lot to the fourth floor of the ACC for dinner, he noticed another student coming towards him. Without a second thought, Graves put his arm across the door to hold the elevator for her. When she did not seem to notice that he was holding it for her, he even went as far as pressing the “open door” button in order to make sure it stayed open.

Since then, many students have adopted this “elevator etiquette,” which Graves has since started calling the “H A M” method.

“It’s a work-in-progress acronym that describes the steps I take when getting on an elevator with another rider. I wanted it to spell out a real word, so I limited it to these three steps for now,” said Graves.

The H A M method is as follows: Hold the door, Ask questions, and Mention the weather. Other tips include giving a brief greeting, introduing yourself, and asking what floor they are going to.

Despite many students now smiling at each other on their elevator rides, there are many who are outwardly against this trend. Instead, they walk slower to the elevators to avoid entering a held elevator, specifically pack their headphones to avoid these confrontations, or even choose to walk up stairs as opposed to ride an elevator. Leading this semi-boycott of elevators is junior Patty Stehps.

“The old way of riding elevators worked well enough. The fact that this first-year thinks he can change something so deeply set on our campus and in society is ridiculous in and of itself. From now on, you’ll see me taking the stairs” stated Stehps.

Whether it will stick or not, only time will tell. Regardless of if you agree with this new movement or not, if you ever see me on an elevator, don’t say hello.

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