A satirical article about the amusing incidences of college life or, in this case, gift-giving
Finding the perfect gift is always a challenge. This is especially true when choosing gifts for the people you love the most. Here is a fun cheat sheet to help you get gifts for those most dear, and for weird person in your group that you give a gift to purely out of social expectations. Here is a list of eight perfect gifts to point you in the right direction.
1. For that friend that is always inviting you to sit and hang out, do very laid-back activities, or just bum around, the PERFECT gift would be—exercise gear! This is a great way to encourage your friend to branch out, get off the couch and do something active. Try medicine balls, weights or a yoga mat. Those gifts are subtle, and not too in your face, but just enough to get your message across. Maybe consider using slightly passive-aggressive notes like, “can’t wait to join you,” or “I’m sure this will help boost your lifestyle.”
2. For that friend who loves to read the classics, who probably never leaves home without a good book by Jane Austen, Shakespeare, or Mark Twain… a great choice is—“The Fifty Shades of Grey” complete book collection. People who read classics are often stuck in a specific time period. Be that great friend who expands their library by giving them some hip literature. Who doesn’t want to open these exciting novels in front of their friends and everyone they respect? Want to take this gift over the edge? Maybe tie your gift in with their favorite people, by writing fan fiction to include both your present and their favorite story.
3. For that fashionable friend who loves clothes and it’s apparent in the way they dress: Most friends who notice this will get them a hat, scarf or some kind of jewelry. Set yourself aside from those friends by guessing the person’s clothing size and buying them a shirt, pants or dress you think they’d like. (It’s probably safer to guess bigger rather than smaller — it has a better chance of fitting. They might look like a six, but try a size or two larger instead, to be safe.) If you want to take it to the next level, include a note saying why you loved the outfit that you chose, and a planned activity to do with them that they can wear the clothes for.
4. For that friend who is a notorious photographer, always taking pictures and carrying a camera, chances are they’d love inspiration for their work. The best gift for this kind of friend is — calendars. You can get so many calendars from this year on clearance during this time of year. The more you can get the better. They will SERIOUSLY appreciate the endless ideas that will be made available to them. Aim for pastoral scenes like landscapes (forest, beach or mountain). This is a guaranteed friend-pleaser. If you want to do more, offer to model for a photo-shoot as a gift to them.
5. For your friends who go to Loras: True, our laptops don’t have DVD readers … but there is a USB port you can use to plug in a DVD player, like the one you can rent through the library. What Loras friend wouldn’t love the steals from the $5 bin at a local store? You are not only encouraging them to watch some QUALITY movies, but also to visit the library. To go the extra mile, they might even get some homework done while they’re there.
6. For your dumpy roommate who leaves a mess wherever they go, it’s probably not their lifestyle; rather, they just don’t have the means to clean up. A great gift for that friend would be to get them an endless amount of cleaning supplies. I would encourage writing notes on how to use things like dish soap, Windex, Clorox wipes, and brooms. This is important, because the other reason why they might not be cleaning is because they don’t know how. Make sure to have your instructions very clear. You can be borderline condescending, but don’t cross the line too much. Just make sure they understand. Your friend might also enjoy the gift of new cutlery, like a fun new knife set.
7. For the friend who tends to be a wallflower, kind of mousy in appearance and just not the best looking, I would encourage to get — hair dye and makeup. Help them spruce up their look with things like foundation, eye makeup, or a vibrant new hair color. People love suggestions, especially when it comes to their appearance. Throwing in some nail polish is always a solid go to as well. If you want to add a little bit of a personal touch, make your own little booklet on how to pull their life together and look good. Leave little fun notes like, “Try this look to help people notice you’re there!”
8.For that friend who everyone knows smells a little stinky, a cheap and well thought set of gifts would be — clinical strength deodorant, perfume, air freshener, mints/gum and shoe scent inserts. This sends a message that you noticed their stench, but you care.
I hope that by using these ideas, you feel a little bit more prepared to face the holiday season head on.