A day in the life of Santa… probably

Dear college student,

It’s that busy time of year… Letters from children come flooding in. The reindeer have been hitting the gym to get yoked, so they can carry the sleigh filled with the presents for the ever-increasing population. The elves have been putting in some major overtime. It is so sweet and endearing. But, I write to this “Lorian Newspaper” to address you college students.

Do you really think you deserve to be on my good list? I really just barely let you sneak by in high school. But honestly, when is the last time you called your mom? If it has been less than weekly, how can I not put you on the naughty list?

And you think I haven’t noticed how unhealthy you’ve been eating… seriously it’s 2018.

And I was ready to give you a break, but not only have you procrastinating, but you’ve literally skipped so many classes. Your gen-ed professor cried themself to sleep.

And, honestly this isn’t that BAD LIST material, but I have NEVER seen someone watch as much Netflix as you.

Also, caffeine isn’t the answer to everything. Getting a healthy amount of sleep is.

So, no hard feelings, but I really can’t put you on the nice list again… I can’t keep living a lie

Call your mom.

Santa

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