The Pursuit of Greener Grass

There have been recent allegations that the grass is, in fact, greener on the other side. These allegations are backed by the presumption that everything on the opposite side of the hill is, quote: “More vibrant;” and, quote: “Less rocky.”

Proponents of this theory go as far as to say that the conditions of this grassy hillside are: “Utterly perfect in comparison to the imperfection of the known side of the hill.” The current state of the grass is obviously not ideal: it is colored a light shade of yellow-green, with brown accents, and scraggly in some locations, nonexistent in others, and perfectly healthy in the rest. Some is short, some is tall. There are pebbles and stones scattered throughout; therefore, one must ensure they watch where they tread if they are to walk on this side of the hill.

In order to investigate these serious claims, much care was taken to objectively measure each hillside. Of course, the condition of the other side of the hill is difficult—if not, downright impossible—to measure, as the hill itself poses an insurmountable height that few are capable of climbing.

Peering into the other valley and assessing the quality of the grass on the other side of the hill is no easy task. It is a long, arduous, and life-changing journey to traverse this steep slope. Many have tried and many have failed. At the end of the day, the general population knows not what is on the other side of the hill; they simply speculate. The mystery has inspired many tales on the superior nature of the grass on the other side. Namely, a “better place than here.” Nobody seems to be satisfied with the current side of the hill, but nobody knows what lies beyond that tempting peak in the distance.
Fortunately, there is well-documented yet long-lost research on the subject of the other side of the hill. Those who have succeeded have returned with observations in their heads, yearning to write down their discoveries. This research was generously donated by the most recent hill-traverser who attempted—and succeeded in—the climb about three months ago. This research is under further investigation at the present moment. Upon interviewing this recent hill-traverser for more instantaneous information about the grass on the other side, the explorer in question had this to say:

“The grass on the other side of the hill is colored a light shade of yellow-green, with brown accents. It is scraggly in some locations, nonexistent in others, and perfectly healthy in the rest. Some is short, some is tall. There are pebbles and stones scattered throughout; make sure you watch where you tread if you cross over there.”

“The quality of that grass is much like the grass I have known my whole life. The excessive dreaming, high expectations, and dangerous and tiresome trek to find perfection was, in fact, a total bust. I and my fellow hill-dwellers have been duped by a myth that has persisted for generations: the grass is greener on the other side, where we cannot see it. If I had been satisfied with this side of the hill from the beginning, I would have saved a lot of time and energy in pursuit of something that did not exist.”

So there you have it: the allegation and the response. The grass is not greener on the other side; therefore, we would do well to appreciate the grass we have been given.

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