Facilities Staff Announces Successful Removal Of Faculty From Cryogenic Tubes After Winter and J-Term Break

The facilities and maintenance staff at Loras College have successfully defrosted and removed the faculty of Loras college from the cryogenic tubes where they reside during breaks. The process, known in the scientific field as “decanting,” can take two to four days, resulting in complications as the professors who re-acclimate too early can suffer from idleness. However, Erik Lapos, Head of Faculty Storage, was proud to announce a complete lack of major incidents.

“The crew did absolutely great,” he said. “No problems with the machines, and no one was taken out of the tubes before their schedule.”

Loras College has utilized stasis pods for several decades, allowing the professors who teach there to avoid the stressful periods of inactivity during the long breaks before campus. The first pods were installed in the basement of the ACC in 1963, and then replaced with newer models in the early 90s.

“Cryo-sleep has always worked very well for us,” said one administrator at Loras. “Its very hard for them to relax without someone to teach, so we’re pleased with how calm cryo-stasis makes the teachers.”

Loras did not always use stasis during breaks. There was a period where doubts arose over the efficacy and morality of cryogenically preserving the professors during the breaks between classes. In the 1970s, there rose a movement to allow the professors to roam. Erik Lapos remembers that time well.

“Yes, the free-range movement was interesting. I was willing to give it a shot, so during the summer of 74, we brought all of them out to a farm near St. Donatus. That ended up being a terrible summer; they had nothing to do, they were lost. Kept on trying to give lectures to the fence posts, the poor things. So the next year, we built a little classroom in the barn, wrote up tests for them to grade, stuff like that. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t real enough for them. We tried it again for one more year, just to give it a good faith try.”

In 1976, the college returned to cryo-stasis, and has remained with the technique ever since. While the process has been very successful, it has not been completely without incident. Once or twice, a professor had been decanted in time for J-Term only for the Faculty Storage team to realize they were on sabbatical, and were not to be teaching a class until the fall.

Comparable to other methods of storage, many of the professors find cryo-sleep preferable.

“The Cold! The Cold!” said an English professor who was asked for comment. “They grab and push at us, always in the dark! I hear them! They scratch at our bones!”

As the current pods in use are nearly 20 years old, it will be interesting to see if the Faculty Storage will continue to use cryo-stasis, or if they will investigate new methods such as immersive cybernetic simulations, temporal displacement, or demi-plane containment.

 

Due to technological difficulties, articles from the Feb. 15 issue were posted late. The Lorian apologizes for the late update.

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