So it’s gotten to that point in the semester where everyone in America is trying to find refuge from the reality of their first-world problems. Between clown attacks and the onset Clump presidency, people are turning to social media more and more often as a detour from real life. Of course, we could go out and do more to end these threats to the general sanity of the population, or we could talk about them on Twitter. Below is a list of Duhawks who understand this.
1. @black_Stallyon: We all know him. We all love him. His tweets are straight fire. If you need a healthy dose of social satire about the Cubs and the reality of college students everywhere, Ben Pashon is the man to follow.
2. @awsunleaf: Dr. Sunleaf is one of Loras’ greatest soft-sellers. He knows his audience and always makes sure to keep the Twitterverse updated on all things Duhawks.
3. @LorasPres: President Jim Collins is a Twitter Deity and I’m concerned that he doesn’t have a verified checkmark. He should have one. Like Sunleaf, he keeps Duhawks in the know of everything going on for Loras. However, he’s also the perfect king of the clapback and knows how to keep students entertained.
4. @KendalKuboushek: Do you love Loras? Do you love college? Follow Kendal. Stop reading this article and just do it. I’ll wait. She’s the Queen of Loras Hilarity and is probably going to host the Emmy’s with Tina Fey someday.
5. @MARCUS_MILLS: Let’s talk about Strong. Catholic. Identity. There isn’t a Loras student that loves being Catholic more than Marcus. Combine theology with the regular Mean Girls quotes and you have the most iconic Duhawk on campus.
6. @Melissa_Link17: Melissa is the realest. Melissa is the prettiest. Everyone should want to be like Melissa. Her tweets involve the hottest of Dubuque and Loras topics ranging from DM to the recent clown sightings. If you like reading clever tweets and repeating the phrase “OMG saaaaaame” in your head, click follow.
7. @TheDudeHawk: “A caricature of the Loras experience.” It’s actually fairly accurate and clever. Does it talk about acronyms? Oh, yes. What about ridiculously high book prices? You better believe it’s there.
8. @DubuqueHorse: This is a relatively new parody account that roasts Emmaus fairly regularly. This is the artist responsible for naming Art and Jim as a duo more iconic than the Jenner sisters.
9. @AdrienneP58: This is my account. I only have like, seven followers. Help a sister out.
10. @BigPapaHess: If this man isn’t your favorite Loras offensive lineman, then you probably just don’t follow him yet. Trent delivers a beautiful combination of Loras love, inspirational quotes, and generally hilarious quips that are sure to make your day a little better.
11. @LindsayHottovy: She’s really hilarious. Let this Czech princess dish up the best Dubuque realness. She chronicles the struggles of every student in Dubuque who gets called too much by campaign workers, doesn’t have enough pop tarts, and mystified by the climbing number of ketchup stains in places where ketchup should not be.