Tips with Trish: Time to Move On

Dear Trish,

So, my ex-girlfriend and I have been broken up for three months now. I still find myself thinking about her a lot and wondering if we have a chance in the future. People keep telling me to move on because she doesn’t even talk to me anymore. It is difficult for me to move forward because even though I have a lot of other female friends, some who have even expressed an interest in dating, I compare everyone to her. How do I move on?

Signed, Can’t Let Go

Trish says,

Break-ups suck. There is no way to sugar coat it. Many of us have been there … still hopeful that who we thought was the love of our life would somehow come to his/her senses after breaking up. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes months. And for some unfortunate souls, it takes years to recover. Here are some things to keep in mind when trying to get over a past love.

1.  Find a distraction. Exercise, start a new hobby or spend more time with friends. Even a new Netflix obsession is better than dwelling on the lost love. When we become over-focused on certain things, they tend to grow bigger and bigger. Get a handle on this or it will likely interfere with other aspects of your life like your GPA, your friendships, your long term mental health, etc.

2.  Put away reminders. You don’t have to throw every memento from the time together away, but at least keep it out of direct sight. The constant reminders like photos, playlists on repeat and the wearing of old sweatshirts doesn’t help with efforts to move forward. If you have a friend that “gets it,” plan a little ritual to get rid of everything.

3.  Minimize your time on social media. We all know how obsessed we can be with Twitter and Snapchat. Take a break for a while because it just doesn’t help to know everything that they are doing socially. Especially because there is a good chance that life looks better than it really is on social media anyway. You don’t need that.

4.  Don’t glorify the relationship. Despite what we tell ourselves about relationships, things were obviously not as good as they may have appeared if one of you chose to get out of it. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you were the problem, so don’t beat yourself up trying to figure out what you did wrong. Instead focus on what you want to do different in the next relationship. Spend this time trying to improve yourself.

5.  Think positive. Consider saying a prayer or meditating every morning to start your day. Put some good thoughts out into the universe about how you are moving forward and are open to new experiences.

Try not to lose sight of the big picture. You can be happy again. Good luck and keep your head up.

Signed, Trish

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