Du-What? Du-Dublin: Ten thoughts I had during my first rugby game

1.    Wow, their shorts are kind of shor.. oh my, are those thighs or tree trunks? I bet they never skip leg day.

2.    I’ve never been to a rugby game. I hope it’s not boring. (10 seconds later) KILL THEM.

3.    So essentially what you do is run as fast as you can until someone hits you and then you pass the ball before you are instantly crushed by men of various sizes. Then repeat.

4.    If you catch a ball, do you get to keep it? Oh, nope, that’s-that’s a negative.

5.    Why are they playing Chelsea Dagger…this isn’t the Blackhawks and we are not in the US of A.

6.    *Gets distracted by men doing mountain climbers* My bad.
7.    THEY ARE LIFTING A MAN IN THE AIR BY GRABBING ON TO HIS BUTT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

8.    They have to be really secure in their masculinity/ love the game to be the Butt Lifters.

9.    Where are the cheerleaders?

10.   Dear fellow American “kindly” informing me that there’s a match going on- I’m aware. By the way I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about your life within the first fifteen minutes of the match, and unlike yourself can simultaneously watch men get dog-piled repeatedly while carrying a discussion.

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